Nap Time
by Apprivoisu
Summary: Don't ever try to wake Shepard up from a nap.


The most visited room aboard the Normandy was the mess hall. Crew members could grab a bite to eat or stay up with some caffeinated coffee. Ashley Williams, Normandy's Gunner Chief, had just finished sorting through a shipment of weapons and was heading to the mess hall to grab a late night snack.

The door slid open and was greeted with an odd sight. Kaidan was motionlessly standing in front of the door and also in her way.

"Hey LT I need to-"

Kaidan began to frantically wave his hands in the air and quietly shushed her. "Shhhhhh shhhhh. You're going to have to whisper." He started pointing to something in front of him.

Kaidan moved slightly out of the way so she could finally see what he was pointing to. Someone was sitting on one of the metal chairs with their head tucked into their arms on the table. This someone happened to be the Commander.

"What is Shepard doing?" She motioned towards the black hooded figure.

"Well Chief I don't know about you, but humans require this thing called sleep."

"Smartass. Skipper can't be comfortable sleeping like that. Come on let's wake her up." Ashley started walking towards the sleeping figure, but was abruptly stopped.

"Wait! Wait! Wait!" Kaidan's arm suddenly shot out in front of her. "You absolutely cannot wake up the Commander."

"And why is that LT?"

Kaidan nervously glanced at the sleeping Shepard and pulled Ashley to the corner of the room. "Well I've heard rumors…"

"Rumors? Really?" Ashley asked with a growing smirk.

"Okay not rumors… a witness. Before Eden Prime, Private Jenkins, rest his soul, had this nasty black eye. When I asked how he got it, he told me the Commander socked him real hard." He threw his fist into the air.

She raised her brow. "You're telling me that OUR Shepard the calmest person I've ever met just punched him for no reason?"

"I'm getting there. Captain Anderson of that time ordered Jenkins to give the Commander a tour of the ship."

"She didn't want to play tourist so she punched him?" Ashley interupted.

"No Jenkins woke the Commander up from her nap." Kaidan whispered with a horrified face.

"You're telling me that the Commander here punched him because he woke her up and she got grumpy…" She couldn't believe it.

"Affirmative. The slightest noise could wake her up. Do you know how loud the door is?"

Ashley broke out into a grin, "Oh come on. It can't be that bad. How long were you standing there?"

His eyes instantly became jaded and he whispered back in a tone she had never heard before, "I've been through some serious shit and back sometimes with death hanging over me. Standing there seeing her napping… then when the door opened…. I've never been more terrified."

"With all due to respect LT, it's just a nap. How bad could it be?"

"Haven't you see-" Kaidan stopped midsentence as he heard the door slide open. He turned his head so fast Ashley swore he got whiplash.

Without warning, the sleeping Shepard grabbed her mug and threw it at the intruder. It was thanks to Kaidan' quick reflexes that his biotics stopped the mug inches away from Garrus' face. The door slammed shut.

Garrus' mandibles were within view as his jaw went slack. Shepard just threw a mug at him. He mouthed a silent thank you towards Kaidan and quietly walked his way towards them.

"What the hell was that? Did Shepard just throw a mug at me?"

Kaidan still using his biotics to hold the airborne mug pulled it towards them. "Long story short, the Commander kills whoever wakes her up."

Ashley looked over Kaidan's shoulder to see the contents of the cup. "The Commander was drinking hot chocolate….. Aren't Turians deadly allgeric to this stuff?"

Garrus slowly nodded. "Yes"

"Did Shepard just almost kill you with hot chocolate?"

"…..Yes."

"Okay. Okay. Now I believe you, but how the hell are we getting out of here?" Ashley quickly whispered. Shepard was scary in combat, but she was even more terrifying asleep.

Kaidan pulled up his Omni-tool to reveal the blueprints of the mess hall. "We are currently hiding here, and the Commander is here." He pointed to two locations on the map. "There's a vent located on the other side of the room that can take us to engineering."

Ashley shook her head, "No can do. We're all too big. Any other ideas?"

Garrus pointed his finger on the map. "Why don't we just take this path?"

Kaidan gasped. "You're kidding Garrus. You want us to go through the door?"

Ashley glanced over at the table Shepard was sleeping on. "Negative. Shepard still has at least a fork and a knife on the table. If she almost killed you with a mug…. We need back up."

Kaidan activated another part of his Omni-tool. "I'm going to get outside help."

His Omni-tool beeped and a voice pulled through. "Alenko this better be important, finally got some shut eye."

"Morning Joker. We whipped up some apple pie from the latest supplies in the mess hall. Want any before we eat it all?"

"Apple pie? Seriously? I'll be there in a few. Joker out."

Garrus turned towards Kaidan. "Okay first what's apple pie and why did you ask Joker to join us in this lovely prison?"

Kaidan replied, "Human food that has existed since ancient times. I'm thinking that the Commander can't hit someone even in her sleep someone as delicate as Joker."

Ashley gave him a questioning look. "And if the Commander does?"

"Oops?"

"I'm sorry I don't think my translator picked up this 'oops'. Unless this means we heroically save Joker from his death, I think we'll be looking for a new pilot."

Kaidan sat down and motioned for the others to join him. "Probably, let's see how this plays out."

On cue, the door hissed opened and Joker stepped through."Shit."

Joker's first instinct was to dive down as a fork flew past his head and embedded itself into a metal wall.

"Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!" Joker surveyed the room until his eyes fell upon Kaidan. "I hate you so much."

Joker rolled towards the group huddled in the corner. "I think I broke some ribs."

Garrus glanced betweek Joker and Kaidan. "I think the plan failed."

Kaidan apologized. "Sorry about that Joker. I swear I thought that would work."

Ashley heaved a heavy sigh. "I'm even more sorry for not stopping that stupid plan."

Kaidan brightened a little bit, "I just came up with an even better plan this is foolproof. I'll message Tali and Liara to come up here. The Commander definetely won't kill them."

"Yes. Please do because that worked so well before." Joker sarcastically remarked while still lying on his back.

"It's going to work trust me."

Garrus held back Kaidan's arm. "Why don't we call Wrex? Krogans are tougher than most species."

Kaidan gave a thumbs up to Garrus. "Good thinking Garrus. This is brilliant."

Ashley held her face in her hands. "I can't believe I'm going to go with this plan. We don't have any other options except I don't know… wait for the Skipper to wake up?"

"It's not very comfortable sleeping here you know?" Joker commented from the floor, "Perks of living in a ship."

Kaidan went through his contact list until he paused to look up. "Wait a second, does Wrex even have an Omni-tool? Does he even use it?"

Garrus tapped his chin and thought for a moment, "Now that you mention it, I don't think I've seen him ever use one. He just sort of stands there."

Ashley nodded in agreement. "I've never once seen him pull it out or anything. Like Garrus said, he just stands there and looks Kroganish."

Joker placed his arm over his face. "Great. We can't ask Mr. I'm going to Wrex it to save us."

"Don't worry guys, we'll get out of this. I'm sure we will." Kaidan assured them. He was their lieutenant he had to make sure they lived through this.

* * *

The door to the mess hall hissed opened and the intruders entered through the door. Chakwas had led them to the mess hall to have some quality "girl time" as she had put it.

"Liara, what's going on here?"

"I do not know either Tali…"

Chakwas examined the room before her. In the corner, Ashley, Kaidan, Garrus, and even Joker were all asleep on the ground. There was an occupant at one of the tables sleeping. It looked like… Shepard. Everything clicked in place.

She gave a faint chuckle as she whispered to the two. "… then you do that and she'll wake up. Go on." She lightly pushed them towards the slumbering Commander.

Hesitantly, they both performed the task Chakwas had given them. They almost jumped when Shepard's eyes fluttered open and her head shot up. Shepard looked around dazed and greeted them, "Mornin'."

"Good morning, Commander. How did you sleep?"

"Pretty good Doc. Wish someone would wake me up. This chair isn't the best place to fall asleep."

"I think they tried their best." She pointed to the group sleeping in the corner. "They just didn't know the proper way."

Shepard turned to the confused Tali and Liara. "You've discovered the secret to waking me up. You have to swear on your lives that you won't tell anybody."

Both glanced at the group in the corner, "We swear."

Shepard nodded. "Good. Next time maybe I'll fall asleep outside the restroom."


End file.
